xbacksmack

Things are going well lately.
Lots of just, chillllllin'.
Smackin' pizzy, ya know. Shit like that.
Our baby is doing well, too. :]
School is almost over (it's insane).
I have an Oceans exam tomorrow (LAME).
I have mo' studying to do.



All I want to do is be with you<3.
I can't wait for you to kidnap me and take me away to some magical place where we can live the lives we both want to live.

I honestly thought that last night I was going to end my life.
I was completely ready.
I've never felt such hurt, such pain.
Once again another weekend down the shitter because I can never just be normal and happy on the weekends.
I fucking hate myself.

It's a baby girl!
I got a ONE HUNDO (100) on my Search for Life exam!
Devin and I just took Mammabear out to dinner.
Now him and I are about to eat Peanut Butter Ganja cookies.
Shit's pretty alright lately.



I love you<3.

January 21st, 2010.
14 weeks minus one day.
I'm going crazy with flooding emotions of happiness, anxiety, and hope...all at the same time.

Why is it all about making profits and screwing people over these days?

If everyone just stopped doing that, life would be so much.......better.


Right?
 

Our whole society is poisoned.
Poisoned with the ideas and concepts all relating to monetary values.
Everything is all about how expensive this was, how much money someone dropped on something..... blah.




It is disgusting.
Absolutely foul.
People are foul.


 

I'm so, lost.

I don't know what to do about school.
I don't know what to do about my car.
I don't know what to do about the boy.


School; It is a love/hate relationship. I love learning, I love expanding my mind, I love meeting new people and I love the set up of UAlbany. I hate driving there every morning. I hate being pressured into deciding what exactly I want to focus the rest of my life on. I hate how those bastards put such a hefty price on knowledge. 

My car; I love my little Green Machine. After putting $600 into it, and then it breaking down again, I'm starting to think that I need to look into getting a new car. What a fucking process. I have faith in my little Green Machine for now though. Keep it up little guy.

The boy; I feel like I'm holding him back. I feel like dead-weight that is a part of his life, keeping him from doing what he really wants to do. If he loves me like he says he does, then I have the rest of my life to look forward to. I have a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to go searching for. I have hope. If he feels the way I've been feeling lately (like I'm holding him back), and he leaves, ultimately my whole world will be crushed. There will be no pot of gold to go searching for, there will be no hope or future goals for me.
 

 

 

 

I just don't fucking know.
 

Sleep, school, work , sleep.
Constant schedule.
Then the weekends are: sleep, work, homework, sleep.
Blahh.
At least I have the only thing I will ever need, my boy<3.

It's my official last day of summer.

Go figure I spent my morning and afternoon busting my ass at Subway.
Tomorrow I start classes at UAlbany!
I'm excited. It will be nice being in classes that I actually find interesting.


 

I don't want to live in a society like this.
Everything disgusts me.
Money hungry pigs just looking out for their own best interest.
Who decided that an education that costs $30,000 is the only way to be successful in life?
Fuck that.
And, apparently common courtesy is a simple concept that has slipped the minds of pretty much every fucking individual on this planet.
Fuck people thinking it's okay to simply dick other people over.
Even if it isn't directly related to me, it still hurts.
Fuck this.

Starting Monday, changes are being made.
I know I say this all of the time, but this time it's serious.
My mother told me about her 100 day goal of making positive changes in her life, and that made me decide that it's time for me to do the same.
No cigarettes, less drinking, more exercise, and saving more money.
I figured that my mother and I could be there for each-other as support during the 100 days.
I also figured that maybe even after the 100 days, I won't even be tempted to pick up old habits.

I really want to get a place with Devin soon. I know it will happen, I am just so impatient.
I am in pursuit of a new job, too. Fuck Subway.

I guess I'll go clean my room until work now.

 Orientation was pretty much a disappointment. It was like 13th grade. Clicky bullshit. Dumb prissy bitches and jocks galore.
But none of that matters. I have the best schedule ever for next semester. And, since I'm commuting, I will never have to deal with any of the lame kids on campus. I can just go to school, sit and learn, then peace out and continue on with my real life.
Here's my schedule:

1)The Oceans (MON/WED/FRI) 1:40-2:35PM
2) Microeconomics (MON/WED/FRI) 11:30AM-12:25PM
3) Search for Life Beyond Earth (MON/WED/FRI) 9:20-10:15AM
4) Into to Music (TUES/THURS) 1:15-2:35PM
5) Spanish (MON/WED) 8:15-9:10AM  / (TUES/THURS) 8:45-9:40AM


DANK! 
Classes that I will actually enjoy. Minus the economics shit. 
It's a lovely day.
Of course I have to work.
I love Devin.

Today has been the worst day of my life, and I haven't even left my bed yet.

Hiiiiiiigh.
Shit's pretty sweet lately.
My graduation party was a blast. It was so nice to see the whole family and have everyone gather under one roof for the first time in ages. Usually I tend to get upset at family gatherings, but with some close friends there it was nothing short of perfection.
Dan is going to take a trip up here for a few days soon hopefully! Wooooo!
Uhmmmm. Yeah I got a MacBook at my graduation party, along with wireless internet and a bunch of money. And some Rolling Rocks! Wooo! 
Things have been really great lately, not just pretty sweet.
I'm going to go smoke a blizzz-unt with my boys and play some Halo3. PAYYCEEEEEEEEE.

<3 

So, I graduated from High School two days ago.
Honestly, I don't think I will ever look back from this point.
High School was nothing great, at all.
My graduation party is tomorrow! Dan and Mike are coming! I'm going to get them to spend the night so we can get fucked up and I'm going to offer to just bring them back to Pennsylvania in my NEW CAR! My dad got me a car! It is nothing extravagant, it's a green Plymoth Breeze haha. I like to call it my Green Machine, or Baby Bop haha.
I could not be any happier.
I am done with high school, I have a car, awesome friends, and an amazing boyfriend<3.

Since the Green Machine is a standard, I'm going to go practice driving it now.

I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL ON FRIDAY!

It's pretty cool knowing that when Monday rolls around I do not have to get up and haul ass to school. DANK!
I'm typing rather well for being pretty drizzy. Chillin' at Trevors, playing brewpong and whatnot.
Work sucked a whole load of dick today. It was so busy due to DMB taking over Saratoga like it's something to fucking do.


I don't know.
I've been getting extremely depressed extremely easily lately, and it's just bizarre.
I do not know what is triggering it, but it is no bueno. I'm sick of it.
I hate all of the sudden getting extreme waves of sadness.

I hope my mind cuts that shit soon.
 

Prom was this past Saturday. It was nice. I only went for a good hour, then did my own thaaaang.
I did not go to school yesterday, and I'm not going today. That means only eight more days of high school left.
Ohhh the relief.
News Shocker: I've got myself a boyfriend.
The whole thing just feels right, and I've never been happier about a situation like this one.


I need to go power clean my room now.

I know that I neglect you, livejournal.
I shouldn't only come to this site when I'm having problems, butttt here I go:
So, Saturday after work I went and re-uped, then came home. After showering and chillin, I ended up falling asleep around 9ish I believe. Around 2:30AM I woke up, extremely sick. I threw up a bit, then went back to bed. And throughout the entire early morning I was constantly getting sick. I managed to get to work, but got sick three times at work, so left. I was sick all day long, either sleeping or throwing up. Later on Devin came over and we got herb, smoked, and relaxed together.

NOTE TO SEF: Smoking weed helps naseua.

After all of this being said I have to get back to the point of this entry:

Where do people get off thinking it is okay to be so rude to someone when they are sick?
If I had a nickel for everytime yesterday someone asked me what drugs I ingested Saturday night, or how much I drank the night before, well, my wallet would be fat with a lot of nickels. Fuck off to everyone who said something like that to me. I'm not Wonder Woman. I can have a weak immune system at times too. I have never called into work, so how dare you think that I was just trying to blow off work.
 

Being highly disgusted by society is an understatement.
 

Today I got to go see my grandparents, two aunts, and baby cousins in Amsterdam!
It was very enjoyable. I missed them all a lot.
It was kind of like Christmas all over again. I got some of the dankest jewelry and clothes from Pakistan.
Along with some cool shit from my dad like some beer t-shirts, a cool Bacardi metal bucket, and....A HOOKAH!
My grandparents brought about 15 hookahs from Pakistan for my father to sell in his store.

And of course, he had to give me one.

I can't wait to smoke out of it and nameee it! It's gold and beautiful. I thought that my smoking collection was complete already, but now it is at a whole new level of completion haha.

I'm extremely tired. I haven't felt this sleep-deprived in a long time.
Goodnight!
 

Despite shitty setbacks this weekend (no pun intended), I still enjoyed the time off for the most part.
I have a lot of homework to do now, sigh.

This was the best birthday weekend ever.
Friday I hung out with Kate, got the house in Amsterdam set up, then we picked up Rob and we all got fucked up in Amsterdam while preparing the house for the party.
Then Saturday we came back to Malta, got some shit done, then went back to Amsterdam with Alexandra. Started gettin' out draank on at 6PM haha. Then eventually Morgan and Colin showed up, followed by Nick Toney, Jon  Brunner, Ian, Matt, ect ect. I had such a great night.
Then today I woke up to Alexandra Kate and Rob. We got fucked up, dropped Rob off at his mom's house, and Kate Alexandra my Mother Leslie and I all went to the Indian Buffet in Saratoga. I GOT A NEW BONG! Kenny broke yesterday :[ Alexandra knocked him over and he broke but it's okay. It was kind of meant to happen. My new bong has a name, and it is Josephine. She is a beauty. Anyways, so got some sweet deals at Manifest. Then Kate and I dropped Alexandra off, picked up Rob, and peaced out back to Amsterdam. There we got mo' fucked up and chilled. Now I'm here, reflecting on my lovely weekend.
Thanks everyone for such a great birthday. I wouldn't have wanted anything to turn out differently<3.